Many of the most enduring tales have at their heart a love story. It is not surprising, then, that many players on Elendor are anxious to tell such a story by RPing a romance with another player. But before you begin enacting a romantic plotline with your Elven character, it is important to understand the many ways in which romance among Elves differs from romance among Humans or indeed any other species.
Love and Immortality
Elves are immortal beings who, even if slain in battle, will find themselves reborn one day. Because of this sense of immortality, Elves marry for eternity. Should one spouse be killed and enter the Halls of Mandos or depart over the Sea to the West, the Elven couple is still considered to be wed. The marriage is still held in full force due to the belief that one day all those sundered by passage to the West or by death will be reunited before the throne of Ilúvatar.
The everlasting nature of love among Elves has many practical consequences. With Elves there is no such thing as divorce. Elves do not "cheat" on the one that they love, nor do they lust after or otherwise desire another even after the death of a spouse. And because the bond of love is so permanent, Elves do not typically make romantic decisions lightly or impulsively. An Elf will often take extraordinary amounts of time (months, years, even centuries) before even deciding that he or she loves another, and even more time before discussing these feelings with his or her beloved.
The Search for Love
Elves do, however, experiment with relationships prior to marriage in order to discover their perfect mate, just as Humans do; and as with Humans, unrequited love is not uncommon. It would not be unusual for an Elf to consider a love and later discover that the love he experienced was not returned or was not suitable for marriage. That Elf could then have the opportunity to consider another love in the future.
During this process of experimentation and at all times prior to marriage, Elves are strictly sexually abstinent. Even when sexual activity becomes thematically appropriate (i.e. after marriage), explicitly roleplaying a sexual encounter is strictly prohibited on Elendor. All roleplay on Elendor should model the books written by Professor Tolkien, and Tolkien always discreetly omitted any erotic material from his novels that would be inappropriate for general audiences. Likewise, any such material should remain an unspoken backdrop in any plotline on Elendor.
Engagement
Once a love is requited and a marriage is desired between two Elves in Lorien, their betrothal would be announced at a meeting of the two houses concerned. At this meeting, the betrothed would provide silver rings given to one another to symbolize their betrothal. This engagement would last for at least one year and often longer.
Such an engagement would be considered a near-permanent coupling. While the laws of the Eldar do allow engagements to be broken, such events are extremely rare due to the care and solemnity ascribed to marriage. In the unusual event that an engagement is broken, the silver rings previously exchanged would be publically returned, and then melted down, never to be reissued.
Interspecies Romances
Probably the most well-known romance in Tolkien literature is the romance between the Elf Arwen and the Human Aragorn. For this reason, many players initially presume that romances between Elves and other species are reasonably common. This is not the case. Since Elves perceive love as eternal but other species as merely mortal, love for a member of another species would usually be so tragic as to be unendurable for an Elf. In fact, such romances are so rare that romance between an Elf and a Human has been known to occur only three or four times in the history of the Tolkien mythology (see the NARRATIVE EXAMPLES section), and each time it had profound consequences for the Elven race as a whole.
Because of these profound consequences, the Elendor administration has chosen to restrict plotlines that involve romance between Elves and any other species. You should not romantically involve your Elven character with a member of any other species unless you have permission from the game administration. Since the game administration has no plans to grant such permission, this means that romances like the one between Aragorn and Arwen will remain very special and unique, as they probably should be.
OOC Logistical Concerns
While it can be very fun and rewarding to RP a romance, before doing so, you should carefully consider the time commitment involved. The sort of fidelity and depth of love that Professor Tolkien portrayed Elves as having is so intense that it is almost hard to fathom by Humans, especially in today's real life society. Even if your intended storyline is without flaw, OOC obstacles can arise that could seriously hamper your ability to continue RPing the romance. Connect times, school or work schedules, inactivity, and a myriad of other logistical difficulties could make this type of roleplay very difficult to maintain. If that happens, the result can often be unpleasant inconsistencies in your character's history (e.g. a marriage that strangely disappears) and also in the histories of any other players who might be RPing in response to your character's life events. Before you begin, please be sure that both you and your intended partner have the time to weave a complete and consistent storyline together.
Narrative Examples
To really understand how Elven romances are portrayed in Tolkien literature, one should consult the books themselves instead of just reading about them. The following is recommended reading for anyone who intends to RP an Elven romance:
- Two good examples of an Elven marriage enduring beyond death are the romances of Elrond and Celebrian and of Turgon and Elenwe. In both instances, a marriage was prematurely ended due to death or crossing over the Sea to the West, and in both cases the remaining spouse retained his love and faithfulness to his dead or departed wife, neither one remarrying or showing any sense of desire for any other but the one who departed.
- For an example of a lengthy betrothal, consider Arwen's romance with Aragorn. While it is true that Aragorn immediately fell in love with Arwen, there was no evidence that Arwen felt similarly for almost thirty years. Arwen took a very long time before deciding that her love for Aragorn was true enough to last for eternity.
- The three known examples of an Elf falling in love with a human are the epic romances of Beren and Luthien, Tuor and Idril, and Arwen and Aragorn. A possible fourth instance is implied by Imrahil, who at one point states that he has Elven blood rushing through his veins, but there is no other documentation substantiating this claim.
Supporting Quotes
The following quotations are taken from Morgoth's Ring (HoME volume 10), pages 210-211:
The Eldar wedded for the most part in their youth and soon after their fiftieth year. They had few children, but these were very dear to them. Their families, or houses, were held together by love and a deep feeling for kinship in mind and body; and the children needed little governing or teaching. There were seldom more than four children in any house, and the number grew less as ages passed; but even in days of old, while the Eldar were still few and eager to increase their kind, Feanor was renowned as the father of seven sons, and the histories record none that surpassed him.
The Eldar wedded once only in life, and for love or at the least by free will upon either part. Even when in after days, as the histories reveal, many of the Eldar in Middle-earth became corrupted, and their hearts darkened by the shadow that lies upon Arda, seldom is any tale told of deeds of lust among them.
Marriage, save for rare ill chances or strange fates, was the natural course of life for all the Eldar. It took place in this way. Those who would afterwards become wedded might choose one another early in youth, even as children (and indeed this happened often in days of peace); but unless they desired soon to be married and were of fitting age, the betrothal awaited the judgement of the parents of either party.
In due time the betrothal was announced at a meeting of the two houses concerned, and the betrothed gave silver rings one to another. According to the laws of the Eldar this betrothal was bound to stand for one year at least, and it often stood for longer. During this time it could be revoked by a public return of the rings, the rings then being molten and not again used for betrothal. Such was the law; but the right of revoking was seldom used, for the Eldar do not err lightly in such choice. They are not easily deceived by their own kind; and their spirits being masters of their bodies, they are seldom swayed by the desires of the body only, but are by nature continent and steadfast.
Nonetheless among the Eldar, even in Aman, the desire for marriage was not always fulfilled. Love was not always returned; and more than one might desire one other for spouse. Concerning this, the only cause by which sorrow entered the bliss of Aman, the Valar were in doubt. Some held that it came from the marring of Arda, and from the Shadow under which the Eldar awoke; for thence only (they said) comes grief or disorder. Some held that it came of love itself, and of the freedom of each _fea_, and was a mystery of the nature of the Children of Eru.
After the betrothal it was the part of the betrothed to appoint the time of their wedding, when at least one year had passed. Then at a feast, again shared by the two houses, the marriage was celebrated. At the end of the feast the betrothed stood forth, and the mother of the bride and the father of the bridegroom joined the hands of the pair and blessed them. For this blessing there was a solemn form, but no mortal has heard it; though the Eldar say that Varda was named in witness by the mother and Manwe by the father; and moreover that the name of Eru was spoken (as was seldom done at any other time). The betrothed then received back one from the other their silver rings (and treasured them); but they gave in exchange slender rings of gold, which were worn upon the index of the right hand.
Among the Noldor also it was a custom that the bride's mother should give to the bridegroom a jewel upon a chain or collar; and the bridegroom's father should give a like gift to the bride. These gifts were sometimes given before the feast. (Thus the gift of Galadriel to Aragorn, since she was in place of Arwen's mother, was in part a bridal gift and earnest of the wedding that was later accomplished.)
But these ceremonies were not rites necessary to marriage; they were only a gracious mode by which the love of the parents was manifested, and the union was recognized which would join not only the betrothed but their two houses together. It was the act of bodily union that achieved marriage, and after which the indissoluble bond was complete. In happy days and times of peace it was held ungracious and contemptuous of kin to forgo the ceremonies, but it was at all times lawful for any of the Eldar, both being unwed, to marry thus of free consent one to another without ceremony or witness (save blessings exchanged and the naming of the Name); and the union so joined was alike indissoluble. In days of old, in times of trouble, in flight and exile and wandering, such marriages were often made.
Taken from +EHELP ROMANCE.