17. A Declaration and a Gift

Slowly she stepped back, broke
His arms' encirclement, raised both wrists
To hold her hair back from her face.
`Alas, my lord, my tale is not full told;'
`Nor have I named my folly fully
`Yet:'
- `I dare to dream again, you see,' -
- `And now my heart is set -

`On thee.'

`How can I help myself, silence
`My heart? How then deny what now
`Pulls me apart? Pity me, pardon me,'
`Call me half-crazed: dazed or a dreamer,'
`I plead no defense!'
- `Either fate made me love you,' -
- `Or lack of sense!' -

`I have sense though to see your courage to care!'
`For where would I be now if grief and despair
`Were as strong in your soul as they seem in your words?'
`How can I help that my heartstrings are stirred
`Like a harp in your hand, like the wind of your voice?'
`How can I stand
- `What a heart strung with steel -
- `could hardly withstand?' -

`How long, my lord, will dreams be your drink,'
`Your food a fantasy of love, your life
`An echo of passions past? I am,'
`I live, I love!' Touch me, I tremble!'
`Speak, and I hear!'
- `Forsake the dark waters!' -
- `Leave Death on her bier!' -

He stood as still as absence. Over them
The moments moved like sails against the sun
Where red horizons run past solemn seas.
Her face before him oval might have veiled
The moon, or mirrored in his eyes
Become a pale yet perfect star.
Time changed: his fingers framed her cheeks,
His lips burned lightly on her brow
And head,
- and all else stopped -
- until he said: -

`Nèhaléni, no: you ask too much.'
`Is there love after Lúthien? I cannot stretch so far'
`Past hurt with a heart so scarred, and numb.'
`Perhaps - perhaps - yet I stumble on old griefs,'
`Pick my way past painful reefs of memory
`And find myself a stranger to the scenery of joy.'
`Passionate, compassionate, beautiful, brave,'
`Thou art these and more. If only -
`No, Nèhaléni! Raise your child,
`May life and laughter piled together
`Be your blessing whether I am far
`Or near - enough, I cannot face farewells.'
`Take this, for thou wilt keep it well,'
`For mirth, for merriment, for celebration
`While healing years and seasons turn,'
- `and then, perhaps, -
-` my heart return,' -

She felt his hand upon hers, felt
Something light, metallic slide there
As she blinked back tears. He turned:
She stared irresolute.
- He was gone, so she stood there, -
- And cradled his flute. -